Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Entry 5: Lost in the Mix
Am I losing her..... She is just 10 and I don't think she sees me anymore at all. I love her but I want to like the person she is when I am not there. What if it's my worst nightmare come true. She has all the potential in the world to be anything. But she has always been everything to me. Maybe that is alot of pressure, to be someone's everything, it's a whole lot on her. I just wish when I looked at her I saw a happy little girl. Instead, I see an anxious girl who doesn't believe in herself. When she was younger I was the only person in her world that she trusted with her secrets. Now I feel like the last to know. It scares the s____ out of me. I am in total panic mode, flipping out. I needed to vent and now that I have I know all I can do is love her and be here for her. She is going to be a teenager and she is going to make many mistakes.... And if she falls to pieces, I will be there to pick up the pieces. I wonder if all mother go through this with their girls. It can't be just me... right?